Since we have so many new subscribers here to The Marry Blogger, I wanted to go back and offer some of the favorites from TMB for 2010. Over the next two weeks, I’ll count down the Top 10 Most Read posts here. Here’s Number 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Why I Don’t Initiate Sex With my Wife More Often
I’ll come right out and say it.
I have issues with asking for “intimacy” with my Beautiful Wife™.
I fear the big “R” word: Rejection
As a husband, many times, when I desire to be with her mono-a-mono, I either:
1. Get more “touchy feely” during the day, or,
2. Make more “flirtatious” comments.
Apparently these just don’t quite cut it compared to the direct – “Hey wanna go roll around together in the bed, Clothing optional?”
Many times I never get that far because I fear the answer to this question:
What if she says No?
With my history (you can read about that here ), I have a tendency to want immediate positive response.
With a real, flesh and blood human being, you don’t always g-e-t that positive response. When that happens, unfortunately, I lean towards not initiating intimacy with my wife.
The crazy thing: I want to be intimate with her. (Actually, its not crazy that I want to be intimate with her. Its crazy that I won’t initiate intimacy.)
On my short list of “Favorite Things To Do in the World” – Sex with my wife has to be like Number 1 or Number 2.
But that ‘rejection thing’ keeps me from asking.
It’s time to have a better marriage and better sex life by getting past this mental roadblock.
Why My Fear of Rejection Makes No Sense
1. She’s my wife – she’s with me for the long haul on this marriage journey.
She said “I do” six years ago. We’re in this thing together. If I am going to pursue anyone it should be my Beautiful Wife™. Here’s the kicker: If she says NO tonight, guess what, I will still be sleeping next to her tomorrow night! I can ask again!!!
I need to think of myself like a great home run hitter in baseball. They strike out much more than they actually knock one over the fence! Hopefully my odds are better.
2. She enjoys the S-E-X. WOO HOO!
I have been blessed with a woman who enjoys having sex. This is terrific. I should keep this in mind when she says NO on certain occasions. There could be other reasons for her denial other than not ‘enjoying’ herself. I should ask more questions – find out where her mind is…and if I can offer an ear to listen! My wife wants me to initiate sex, but she also deserves an opportunity to explain why she isn’t in the mood!
3. She likes when I am happy.
My wife is my biggest fan. She loves when I am happy. Rolling amongst sheets together with her makes me happy. Following this line of thought, this, in turn, would make her happy. Happy Wife. Happy Husband. Happy Marriage.
4. There is always tomorrow if we can’t be intimate right now
Thank You #1!
5. There are several forms of intimacy that we can enjoy. Everything doesn’t always have to be about the S-E-X
I have written about different types of intimacy on the Marry Blogger before, but I can say it again… Different types of intimacy are great. And they can lead to S-E-X. When you feel emotionally closer with one another, it can result in desiring each other physically. But it is not a requirement. Sex should begin with a desire to be with one another and share each other physically. It should not stem from a “I have to do this – requirement” mind set.
What Keeps YOU from Initiating Sex in your Marriage?
Is it a fear of rejection, or something else completely? When it comes to initiating sex with my wife, this is my particular hang up, but I would love to hear what other couples deal with when it comes to initiating sex in marriage.
Give me your reasons for not initiating sex in your marriage in the comments below!
