6 Ways to Kick Boredom Out of the Bedroom

Lost that lovin’ feeling? The passion and zest you once had in your marriage? I’d like to offer you 6 ways to kick boredom out of the bedroom (and every other room)!

1. Curiosity

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. ~Dorothy Parker

My 4 year old son can play in the dirt (for hours, it seems) and never get bored. He sits right on the edge — where the pavement meets the grass. Rocks, dirt and a little boy. He asks me to come look at something he has found. A bug, A rock, A hole. He is surveying the ground and interested in what he sees.

Your spouse might not be full of rocks or covered in dirt (unless that’s your thing).  Seriously though: Have you stopped being curious about your spouse? Do you assume you know them inside and out?

I looked up the origin of the word ‘Curious’:

“from curiosus: “careful, diligent, curious,” akin to cura “care.”

From this definition, I get that we are to be diligent about knowing our spouse. Giving our marriages constant effort. Being attentive to our spouse, and persistent in our curiosity. Pay attention to little things. Notice moods. Then we need to ask questions — not judge — about what they are feeling or experiencing.

Many times, when I jump to conclusions about my Beautiful Wife™ – I think she’ll zig- she ends up zagging. When I think I have all the answers about her and no questions… I know I’m in trouble.

You know what asking questions does? It causes me to be humble. To admit that I don’t have all the answers. Which is completely different than assuming I know everything about my wife.

Marriage Boredom Cure: Stay Curious About Your Spouse.

2. Mystery

Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don’t let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity. ~R.I. Fitzhenry

Do you tease?

Do you flirt?

Do you build anticipation in your marriage?

Do you change things up — play hard to get, or easy to get– sometimes?

I think women have the advantage here. We guys can be pretty surface and shallow. But women are complex and mysterious.

How would you bring mystery into your marriage? Don’t let him see you completely in the buff.  In Kosher Sex, by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (affiliate link) talks of not always “being available”… don’t always pick up the phone…not to be mean or spiteful, but to give a sense of being just out of reach.

Even after we are married, we still love the thrill of the chase.

Marriage Boredom Cure: Keep a Little Mystery in Your Marriage.

3. Creativity

Do you consider your marriage CREATIVE?

We are all creative at some level, we are made in the image of a creative God…so don’t poo poo it.

Try out one of these: A Picnic in the park, a walk in the neighborhood, renting a room for a couple hours.  Do the laundry without being told, make the bed take out the trash if you don’t normally, take care of the kids and let her sleep.

Marriage Boredom Cure: Invite Creativity In Your Own Way.

4. Fascination

Boredom is just the reverse side of fascination: both depend on being outside rather than inside a situation, and one leads to the other. ~Susan Sontag

After looking at the big colorful menu on the wall in the restaurant tonight, my Beautiful Wife™ said ‘The fried dill pickles sound really good.’

I said ‘I had that thought too!’

Most of the time, we are on two different wavelengths. But it always amazes me when we ‘gel’ with no prior planning. I didn’t even know she liked fried pickles.

Like curiosity above, if you lose the fascination, or believe that there is nothing left to learn about your spouse,  boredom can easily set in.

My Beautiful Wife™ is fascinating. There are things about her that I don’t know, and might NEVER know. But it is my job to find out, figure out and to ask questions.

Our friend, counselor Doyle Yarbrough, says that we should be a steward of our spouse. Meaning: We should know them inside and out, we should be their biggest fan, know their changing tastes and desires…and continue this through our days together.

Marriage Boredom Cure: Keep Feeling Fascination (Thanks Human League)

5. Create Beauty

Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful or to discover something that is true. ~W.R. Inge

God wasn’t done creating the world on the seventh day. He gave the first humans some jobs to do, like governing, multiplying (Woo Hoo!), working, and keeping order.

When God started creating, the world was Chaos. As He created, every piece added more order to the world. Light. Dark. Sky. Land. Plants. Trees. Sun. Moon. Little creatures. Big Creatures. Humans.  Everything gets more organized and less chaotic the more God creates.  (Props to Rob Bell for thinking this through for me)

After the seventh day, God gave  people the opportunity to keep creating, to keep moving the story forward to order and beauty, away from chaos.

Together as husband and wife – we can make positive changes in the world. We can achieve the vision and goals for our marriage… if we get off our butts and ditch the tv and other things that keep us inactive.

So here’s my question to you: Does your marriage bring more ‘creative order’ –beauty– to the world, or more ‘chaos’?

Marriage Boredom Cure: Create Something Beautiful Together

6. Grasp Opportunities

Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Opportunities to talk.

To listen.

To share moments.

To enjoy life.

To laugh.

To appreciate.

To smile.

To grow (if you don’t continue to grow, you get stale. Stale = Boring)

Don’t let other couples have a boring marriage either!! Would you pass this along to someone who needs encouragement in their marriage? One of the best ways to share is by retweeting this post, or sharing it on Facebook. Both of those options are below! We appreciate it!

Photo courtesy of sillygwailo