Post Written by My Beautiful Wife™!
Imagine that you are standing across from your husband discussing why he didn’t run the vacuum cleaner like you asked him. What’s the issue? Is it your husband? The fact that the vacuuming didn’t get done? Or is the issue that somewhere in the communication process, something didn’t connect?
You’re On The Same Team
I think that as women many times we think of our husbands as THE issue instead of thinking of our husbands as the man that we love. He is human, makes mistakes, and forgets things… just like we do.
What if, instead of standing across from him as if he is the opponent in a football game, you stood beside him, on the same team, facing the issue… instead of making HIM the issue. This could completely change the way you look at issues in your marriage!
When you decide to tackle an issue like you are on the same team, it brings the two of you together. You work toward the same goal – instead of opposing each other at every step.
When I Realized We Were on the Same Team
When it came to porn – and the struggles My Incredible Husband™ had with it – for a long time, I thought HE was the issue. Why couldn’t HE just stop looking at it? Why couldn’t HE just turn off the computer when it popped up? It was ME against HIM. But I finally came to this realization… it can’t be ME against HIM if we want to have a strong marriage. It has to be US against the porn. That is the REAL Issue!
The only way any issue can be resolved in a marriage is if you and your husband are on the same team, side by side, looking at the issue, working toward the same goal of resolving it.
I actually figured out that we needed to be on the same team in the big stuff BEFORE I realized that we needed to be on the same team with the little stuff too! But now we try to apply the principle of the team to most every issue that comes up.
On the Same Team Day to Day
Yes, every once in awhile, there are still days when find myself annoyed and frustrated because my husband forgets to do something or doesn’t do it the way I want. Instead of being on the same team with him and figuring out what the issue is, I make sarcastic comments or do it myself and file away the frustration for later. But this doesn’t solve the issue! I have to remember the lesson I learned some time ago, that my husband and I are on the Same Team, that HE is not the issue and that the only way the issue can be resolved is if we face it together. And when I do, I save myself (and my husband) a lot of frustration!
Will the principle of the team solve all your issues and make it easy?
Probably not.
However, with this change of perspective and hard work that the two of you – as a team – will put into it…it might change the way you communicate forever!
photo by Thomas Hawk
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Wonderful to see a couple that is happily on the same page. It’s amazing how re-framing the issue puts everything into a whole new, and better, light. What a great way to look at life and couplehood.
Wonderful to see a couple that is happily on the same page. It’s amazing how re-framing the issue puts everything into a whole new, and better, light. What a great way to look at life and couplehood.
I LOVE this advice and it’s this attitude, approaching life as a TEAM, that I think seperates average marriages from amazing ones. Thanks so much for putting this idea into words.
I LOVE this advice and it’s this attitude, approaching life as a TEAM, that I think seperates average marriages from amazing ones. Thanks so much for putting this idea into words.
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