You know what sucks? Porn

I knew it was going to happen, it was just a matter of time.

I was Stumbling websites on Stumbleupon last night…and since I blog about marriage, I have searches set up for relationships, marriage, sex advice…etc.

After hitting one stumble too many, I ended up on some site that had porn on it.

Thankfully, I am not in the same place I was 6 months ago. I quickly moved on and was pretty embarrassed.

See, when my old computer died, half a year ago, I felt it was a great time to make this vow with myself and really make a change in my life.

I made a vow to not to surf any porn on my new computer. I had an issue with that in the past (read about it here).

I have a reinvigorated outlook on my marriage, and am battling to make it successful.

Most of my battles are with myself.

Becoming a Better man, Better person, Better leader, Better husband, Better dad.

Becoming better, for me, involves what goes into my head in relation to women.

It means guarding myself on the computer.

Back to the story:

Here is why it was only a matter of time before unexpected porn happened on this computer: we have not put any type of filter on the internet since I made this vow.

The Positive Spin: it’s exciting that I am not needing a filter to keep me from visiting sites of ill-repute.

The Negative Spin: I hit one button, and there I am staring at some woman’s hoo-haas.

Yup. Really didn’t need that.

So, the filter is going back on the computer.

I am happy to say that it is NOT because I am looking for a quick hit of skin. I really want to protect myself from any unwanted ‘skin viewage’ that could cause me to go in a direction that I don’t want to go.

I did have to talk with the Beautiful Wife™, which started out, well, lets say, rocky.

We both reverted back into bad communication about my struggles. I went into defense mode and she went into super questions mode.

I came into the conversation afraid of the responses I was going to get, and she was blind sided with the porn thing again.

Ultimately, we did acknowledge that it was positive that I wasn’t surfing for porn, and that I quickly made a getaway, not falling into old behaviors.

We also agreed that I personally won’t be using Stubleupon any longer. Which is a wise choice. (You’ll still be able to Stumble my posts there, but I just won’t join you in any type of conversation at their site – thanks for understanding!)

Do I Have to Go Through Life Blindfolded?

There are so many ways for a man to have issues with his eyes in our culture. Most television advertising has some sort of sexual reference, Most TV shows include sexual plot lines, our news media love to talk about the sexual escapades of all types of celebrities.

What about lyrics in music!? I spent 15 years in Top 40 radio for cryin’ out loud! That influences how I think about things.

And of course, the internet. Ahh, the internet. I want to enjoy technology and the benefits of it, yet I have to watch my step. Every Step.

I really don’t want to step on anymore landmines.

Maybe I SHOULD just wear a blindfold all the time.

Photo by Gastev